Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I am mentally ready for anal.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
