shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
