nut hugger
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
