I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
