last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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