mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
