jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
