dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My underwear smells like fireworks.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
