yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
