Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Randomize
