just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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