You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
