dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
