You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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