we have pet lesbian snakes
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
