Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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