So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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