I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
