you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
