butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
