yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
