and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
