Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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