Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You're like the curious george of whores
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
