Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
