you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
