last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
