i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
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