yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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