We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
