Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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