I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
