I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
