I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
