No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
