you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
