Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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