I can feel you judging me through the phone.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
