Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
