I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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