You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
