If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
