How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
