I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
