i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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