She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
