just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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