I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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