i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
