loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
