Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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