So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
