i don't like sucking hair
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
