God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
