I'm sorry my penis didn't work
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
