I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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