Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
