i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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